Is your life ruled by love or by fear? Love and fear are opposite emotional attitudes that shape our life in very different ways. The psychoanalyst John McMurray describes the difference like this:

"The fear-determined have no sun in themselves and go about putting out the sun in other people. The love-determined have life in them, abundant life. They are the people who are really alive, of whom it can be said that they possess eternal life as a well within them perpetually."

Life is a lot more beautiful and vivid if it is determined by love and not by fear. I’m sure you can imagine that someone determined completely by love would be a kind of saint. In contrast, most of us ordinary human beings are determined by both forces, love and fear. However, in my experience, even a tiny shift towards love—and away from fear—can bring a lot more Happiness.

Here are 7 tips that you can move towards love and away from fear.

1. Cultivate gratitude

Gratitude makes us feel happier. If you remember to be grateful for the blessings of your life, you start to feel more connected to yourself and others. When you let go of niggles and embrace gratitude instead, love springs up.

2. Reality-test your fear

Sometimes fear can be like a cloud that keeps out the sunlight. Then everything feels huge and oppressive. A simple way to deal with fear is to test its reality. Write down three things that you are afraid of. Then look at each point and ask yourself, “Is this fear really grounded in reality?” I know that when I do this, I often find that my fears are unfounded. It’s like living in a shadow-land, peering into the future and expecting bad things to happen.

3. Take action

Fear is often born out of inaction. For example, if you get a sense that your health is impaired, but you don't check it out with a doctor, you may start to imagine that you are heading for a major health crisis. (I could fill a whole notebook with illnesses I once thought I had - but never actually got!) Once you've been to a doctor and reviewed the problems, the steps towards renewed health may seem much more manageable.

Taking action is the best antidote to fear. Once you start to address the issues one by one, fears shrink and may even disappear.

4. Cultivate friendships

Good friends are important because they teach us to love. It's often much easier to love a good friend than it is to love and forgive our partner. Friends are lasting companions in life. It’s good to talk with them when we feel afraid. They can give us a fresh perspective on what is troubling us.

5. Be generous

In the quote above, John McMurray points out that fear-determined people have no sun in themselves and "go about putting out the sun in other people." Fear makes us narrow-minded and we tend to put down others. Here is how I deal with that: when I notice I'm getting negative, I put a small pebble into one of my pockets. Each time I catch myself using a put-down, I quietly shift the pebble into the other pocket and say to myself kindly, "Well, maybe I can say that differently next time."

6. Practise kindness

Kindness is 'love-in-action'. It’s good to make a habit of it. The trick is to notice what people need. Here is an example: yesterday I was talking to a stall-holder at a farmers' market who fashions wooden spoons. He saw that I was carrying a bag of luscious, fresh corncobs. He said, "Oh, they look nice!" Then he sighed, "Oh well, by the time I've finished selling at my stand they’ll have all gone." I offered to get some for him. It was a small action but it made us both feel good. Try and spot one occasion each day when you can be of help.

7. Open your awareness

Fear tends to make us focus inwards. A way out of is to do the opposite and open your awareness to include everything around you. For example, if you notice anxious thoughts, open you mind and listen to sounds around you. Maybe you can hear birdsong, or traffic noise, or children playing. This has an instant calming effect and fear wanes.

If you follow these 7 tips, you'll move towards more love and less fear in your life. Soon you will notice an upsurge of Happiness and contentment, instead of fear and anxiety.

What is your experience of living with love or with fear? Maybe you could share your special way of inviting love into your life and saying "good-bye" to fear?

"Come in," God said to me, "so, you would like to interview Me?"

"If you have the time," I said.

He smiled through His beard and said: "My time is called eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"

"None that are new to you. What's the one thing that surprises you most about mankind?"

He answered: "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again. That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health. That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future. That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they never had never lived..."

His hands took mine and we were silent. After a long period, I said, "May I ask you another question?"

He replied with a smile.

"As a Father, what would you ask your children to do for the new year?"

"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.

To learn that it takes years to build trust, and a few seconds to destroy it.

To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. There will be others better or worse than they are.

To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

To learn that they should control their attitudes, otherwise their attitudes will control them.

To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.

To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to show their feelings.

To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.

To learn that while at times they may be entitled to be upset, that does not give them the right to upset those around them.

To learn that great dreams do not require great wings, but a landing gear to achieve.

To learn that true friends are scarce, he/she who has found one has found a true treasure.

To learn that they are masters of what they keep to themselves and slaves of what they say.

To learn that they shall reap what they plant; if they plant gossip they will harvest intrigues, if they plant love they will harvest happiness.

To learn that true happiness is not to achieve their goals but to learn to be satisfied with what they already achieved.

To learn that happiness is a decision. They decide to be happy with what they are and have, or die from envy and jealousy of what they lack.

To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

To learn that those who are honest with themselves without considering the consequences go far in life.

To learn that even though they may think they have nothing to give, when a friend cries with them, they find the strength to appease the pain.

To learn that by trying to hold on to love ones, they very quickly push them away; and by letting go of those they love, they will be side by side forever.
 

Love needs mangement by the heart. Everything around us will full of love if we are good at founding and have a positive attitude towards life, we will feel life is happiness. So if you have enthusiastic, if you love, to the people and the things around you, please express your love using your heart quietly.

Perhaps life has become so busy that you feel like your schedule rarely coincides with that of your partner or kids. How about leaving them a note somewhere unexpected? You’ve probably all heard of kids having little notes from their mom’s in their lunch bags – that’s one place to start, but how about a note by the kettle, in the fridge, on the pillow, on the computer screen...? This can become a bit of a game as you compete to leave a note in the most unusual places!

Hug Someone
Physical gestures mean a huge amount, and a hug can be just what a loved one needs to put a big smile on their face. Whether it’s snuggling up on the sofa with your partner or giving your kids a goodnight hug, being held and warmed by another person is a perfect way to feel loved.

Write A Poem
A time-honored way to say “I love you” is to write a poem. You don’t have to be Shakespeare – look for sincere, original ways to tell someone that you love them. Try not to fall back on hackneyed phrases about their beautiful blue eyes or their rosy red lips; write about something that’s meaningful to you, perhaps that dimple on their chin, or the way they laugh at your jokes.

Give An Unexpected Gift
I’m sure you give your loved ones gifts on their birthday, at Christmas, and on special occasions like Valentine’s day. But how about bringing a gift completely at random? An unexpected present is a moment of pure joy for the recipient and the giver, and it needn’t be anything expensive. A few of their favorite chocolates, a small bunch of flowers, a book which you know they’ll enjoy ... for a few dollars, you have the perfect way to say “I love you”.

Do The Chores (Without Being Asked)
For many people, another extremely welcomed gift is someone else doing the chores! If it’s your partner who usually cleans the kitchen, why not do it and surprise him/her? If you normally have to be nagged to vacuum, get it done without being asked. Finding little ways to make someone else’s day smoother lets them know how much they mean to you.

Hold Hands
Like hugging, holding hands is something that we often neglect to do when a relationship becomes cozy and familiar. Try taking your partner’s hand when walking down the street, or hold their hands across a table in a restaurant. Being in contact physically helps you feel closer emotionally. This is especially important if you need to talk through a difficult issue or problem. Holding hands can also be a visible demonstration of support if your partner is upset or feeling down.

Make A Special Meal
If Friday nights usually mean ordering takeout, why not offer to cook for a change? Make a special meal for your partner (you don’t need an excuse for this – it doesn’t have to be Valentine’s day or an anniversary!) Include their favorite foods, take a few minutes to set the table, to light candles and put music on, and your usual forgettable evening slumped on the sofa can become a night to remember...

Dress Up
In the early stages of a relationship, you probably made the effort to look your best. Of course it’s nice to get to the point where you can lounge around in your jammies or your over sized, hole-ridden t-shirt... but occasionally getting dressed up can rekindle that early excitement in the relationship. Why not go out to a “swankier” restaurant than usual (it doesn’t have to be much more expensive), or just get dressed up in your party clothes for a special meal for two at home?

Give a Foot/Shoulder Rub
Modern life is stressful and many of us have aches and pains caused by tense muscles. A shoulder rub, back rub or foot rub is a wonderful way to tell your partner “I love you”. It demonstrates that their physical well being and comfort is important to you, and it’s also a great way to reinforce physical and emotional closeness.

Listen to Them
It’s easy to talk over people or to tune out most of what they’re saying whilst reading the newspaper or chatting online with friends. Listen actively to your partner – when they want to talk, put down what you’re doing, and focus all your attention on them. Listen for what they don’t say; unvoiced concerns or worries, or hints at what they’d really like. Nod and make eye-contact to show that you’re paying attention.

In our daily life, something should consider by heart carefully. Life should mangement by heart, something should follow our own ideas, believes and dreams.

We are living in one of those periods in human history which are marked by recolutionary changes in all of man's ideas and values. It is a time when every one of us must look within himself to find what ideas, what beliefs, and what ideals each of us will live by. And unless we find these ideals,and unless we stand by them firmly, we have no power to overcome the crisis in which we in our world find ourselves.

I believe in people, in sheer, unadulterated humanity, I believe in listening to what people have to say, in helping them to achieve the things which they want and the things which they need. Naturally,there are people who behave like beasts, who kill,who cheat, who lie and who destroy. But without a belief in man and a faith in his possibilities for the future, there can be no hope for the future, but only bitterness that the past has gone.

I believe we must, each of us, make a philosophy by which we can live. There are people who make a philosophy out of believing in nothing. They say there is no truth,that goodness is simply cleverness in disguising your own selfishness. They say that life is simply the short gap in between an unpleasant birth and an inevitable death. There are others who say that man is born into evil and sinfulness and that life is a process of purification through suffering and that death is the reward for having suffered.There are others who say that man is a kind of machine which operates according to certain laws, and that if you can learn the laws and seize the power to manipulate the machine, you can make man behave automatically to serve whatever ends you have in mind.

I believe these philosophies are false. The most important thing in life is the way it is lived,and there is no such thing as an abstract happiness,an abstract goodness or morality, or an abstract anything,except in terms of the person who believes and who acts. There is only the single human being who lives and who, through every moment of his own personal living experience, is being happy or unhappy,noble or base, wise or unwise, or simply existing.

The question is: How can these individual moments of human experience be filled with the richness of a philosophy which can sustain the individual in his own life?Unless we give part of ourselves away,unless we can live with other people and understand them and help them,we are missing the most essential part of our own human lives. The fact that the native endowment of the young mind is one of liberalism and confidence in the powers of man for good is the basis of my philosophy.And if only man can be given a free chance to use his powers, this philosophy will result in a boundless flow of vital energy and a willingness to try new things,combined with a faith in the future.

There are as many roads to the attainment of wisdom and goodness as there are people who undertake to walk them.There are as many solid truths on which we can stand as there are people who can search them out and who will stand on them. There are as many ideas and ideals as there are men of good will who will hold them in their minds and act them in their lives.
 

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